I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize