South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize