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why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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