so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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