I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
