It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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