If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
