when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am naked and annoyed.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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