Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
