Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
