So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i want to swaddle you in tequila
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Houston, we have a blender
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I party with great urgency now.
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