it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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