We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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