Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
