I think i sorta joined a cult last night
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
