WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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