The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
