You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
