i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
