i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
