So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
