Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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