cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
