That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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