Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i think i scared a bird with my dick
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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