I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
