i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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