I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize