I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
