We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
