A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
