Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
