I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
