Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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