she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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