So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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