Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
