I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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