Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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