Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
