If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
