your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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