i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
