i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize