I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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