I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
