ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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