Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
