I hate your face
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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