Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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