the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
