yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
