U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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