I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
