You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
