also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
