go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
