I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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