so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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