Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
