I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize