well you can't waste a boner
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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