I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
