I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
