It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
