The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
