i already hear my dad disowning me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
