I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
