why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
