Already got asked if we're dating
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
